Alexandra Kalinowski enjoys an Evening of Meat at The Vaults.
It’s not often I’m handed a scoop of chicken liver atop a savoury cone and watched as I take each bite. I don’t know whether to stare back at her, or if she wants me to smile and look away. She’s about two inches from my face and can hear the crunch as I bite through the cone despite the thumping music. We’re doing a dance, but I’m not dancing.
She then slithers back across the table and I breathe a sigh of relief, mixed with a twinge of longing. But she’s already moved down the table, provoking other diners, some of which appear to be so uncomfortable I wonder if they might leave.
I nervously take a sip of my wine, giggle, and tuck into the next course of salt baked potato, yeast buerre noisette and crisp pancetta. I look at my guest and we both wonder if we’ll leave hungry. The night has been advertised as An Evening of Meat, but we’re beginning to wonder if the kebab at the local chippy is what we’ll have to settle for.
The dancer moves back towards us and fishes for the rope at the end of the long table. At this point I’m curious if she’ll finally stand as she’s been on her knees all night. She and the other dancer move along to a certain beat, trying to reach one another but failing due to the distance of the floor. We make eye contact again, and by now she’s having me dance along. The woman across from me just stares, nervous she’ll be the dancers next victim. And she is. But as the choreography moves faster, we both break the tension with laughter as we struggle to keep up. By now we’ve made our way through course three and four: seared Carpaccio and braised mutton shoulder, both equally delicious and sizeable. All of the food has been exquisite, and I begin to read up on the Michelin trained Head Chef Chavdar Todorov to use for my own events.
The evening intensifies when one of the dancers brings the water jug to the table and starts pouring it in guests’ mouths. She raises her eyebrows towards me. No way, but my guest is in the mood for a good shower. It’s messy and refreshing, and I can’t stop laughing as I bite into the pig cheek.
As I’m finishing off my chocolate and olive oil ganache served in an ashtray, the dancers are growing stronger more quickly now. It’s almost as though they’ve nourished themselves alongside us with each course. I’m now completely satisfied, the kebab a distant memory and completely at ease. The dancers have spent hours on all fours, testing their vulnerability, strength, stability, domestication, wildness, power and sensuality. We’ve developed a relationship with almost all as we’ve watched them perform and express their emotions, most likely mimicking similar feelings inside us. Frustrated for them, we’re all rooting for them to finally stand and leave. And then do. No longer are they a piece of meat on the table.
We eventually exit wondering what in the world we just saw, admiring the dancers for being equally engaging and entertaining for men and women alike. The choreography by Kate March was stunning, weird, and honest. And certainly one of the most interesting immersive theatres I’ve been to in a while. I’d recommend you treat yourself to an evening out very soon…
An Evening of Meat is running until June 2nd, 2018 at The Vaults and is £45 per person. For more information and tickets visit thevaults.london/an-evening-of-meat
The pop-up can be found at The Vaults, Leake Street, SE1 7NN.
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